we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
