you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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