I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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