You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
