she was so not down for the gang bang
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
