Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize