btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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