No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
