get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize