dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
