im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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