I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
