Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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