recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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