Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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