You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
