We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
