My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
