this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
