And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
