Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
