i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
