I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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