you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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