She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
