We named our party play list daddy issues
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
