i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
