why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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