..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
