Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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