Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
