i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found your dick twin last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
