end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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