She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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