Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
