you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
