He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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