wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think my vagina is haunted
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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