Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
