I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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