I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize