i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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