Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize