At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
