My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
