420 ftw
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
