Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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