how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
