i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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