i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
