my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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