Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
