I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize