is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
