She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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