So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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