I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
