have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
