Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
