You're so nebulous sometimes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
