if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
