Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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