So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
