This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
A+ Viking dick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
