Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am spending my child support on dildos
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
