My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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