So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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