there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
