ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
