And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize