If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
