I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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