I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
