jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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