He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
