You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
