um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
