are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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