This is not my ceiling
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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