i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
