I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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