I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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