awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
