I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
