Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
