I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
