it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
