There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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