I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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