I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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