guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
