His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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