tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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