If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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