I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Life is so much better after having sex.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
