I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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