ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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