we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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