your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
