He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
