This girl is more easily done than said...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
