Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
