bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
